just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
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