So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
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Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
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