I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.