my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
10 Things Your Gyno Wants You To Stop Doing To Your Vagina
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
For Some Reason, Boys Are Singing The ‘Halo’ Theme Song In School Bathrooms
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?