Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
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It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.