At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Randomize
