You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
20 People Who Caught Their Significant Others Cheating and Hand Over Some Major Karma
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
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You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup