I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
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Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.