don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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