She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
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you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
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Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."