So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
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He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
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DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I am available for nakedness