I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
