Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS