I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out