You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special