he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
