Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
