Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Randomize
