I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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