Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
