how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
