i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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