i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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