Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
i think i have two assholes
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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