Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
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