I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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