I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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