i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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