Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
It's never too late to be topless.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Randomize
