I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
