you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
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Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
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Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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