party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
