We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
