Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
