Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
bring money and cleavage
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
They have beer where we have blood.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
