i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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