he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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