I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize
