i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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