kristin has been a bad kristin
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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