Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
