If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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