Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I would ride that face into the sunset
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
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