I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
