Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
