The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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