I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
