Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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