Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize