the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
