I am puke
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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