i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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