Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
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