Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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