I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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