Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
