Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I enjoy the company of your penis
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
