you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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