I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
