so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
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