Don't make out with my wife yet
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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