I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
We had to coat check the pizza.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
