listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
