I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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