ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
