You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Randomize
