Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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