You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
