my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
