god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
