Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
