my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Randomize
