if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
