i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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