My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
