I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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