i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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