I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
