If that was your dad, he is hot
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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