So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
